Chapter Thirteen

You know instantaneous regret? That's what I felt the second I asked Tiffani to go to the beach party with me. I was not happy when she jumped on top of me and squealed with joy. And I was most certainly not happy when she forced me into having a cutesy little picnic at the park.

Tiffani: Isn't this food, like, totally delish? Right, sweetie?

It got to the point where I vowed that if Tiffani called me sweetie one more time I would stuff my "delish" food in her face.



Time went by very fast. Probably because I was dreading spending time with Tiffani. It felt like seconds and then suddenly it was the day of the beach party.

I got there on time but postponed heading out to the beach. Instead, I decided to practice a little chess before. Anything to put off the torture for another minute. Then, to my surprise, I heard a voice interrupt my intense one-sided chess match.

Selena: Can I play?



What was I going to do? I couldn't say no... okay, so I could've, but I'll admit it, I kind of wanted to see if I could beat her. Because I'm pretty good at chess, and this could be my one and only chance to defeat her. We agreed to play to the best of three games.



We both won a game. I desperately wanted to win the third one so I could be declared the winner. I surveyed the empty table, wondering what strategy I could change. We were so well-matched it was eerie.

That's when I realized the bizarre thing: I was having fun. It had been ages since I'd played chess with anyone but Mom, and she was usually too busy. Not only that, but Selena was a good competitor. Challenging and smart, yet never bothered when she lost. After each game we went over our respective moves and what each of us did wrong. I wished we could play all day instead of going to the party.



I won the last game. I expected to feel intense joy for finally getting one over Selena, but all I really felt was pride in playing the game well and a bit of regret that it was time to leave.

Selena: Congrats, you played well!

Me: Thanks, you too!

And the funny part was, I meant it. I genuinely wanted her to know that she did well too. What on earth was getting into me?



I don't think she wanted to go to the party either, because both of us kept the conversation going.



I even got her laughing by talking about my family. She was a great audience, and she seemed to appreciate my absurd stories. I was surprised, to be honest. Most people look down or shift on their feet and it's clear they're bored. But Selena seemed to find it genuinely hilarious, so I kept going.



Of course, we did have to go to the party. Tiffani had been calling me frantically, and judging by the beeps from Selena's phone I'm sure Tanner was doing the same.

My mood decreased times ten million when I saw Tanner's arrogant, slimy, dumb face. I hated him, and the way he dyed his hair platinum blond and used copious amounts of hair gel to mess it up artfully. It's clear he thinks he's so cool. He also insisted on wearing pink eye contacts to make some kind of statement. I'm not sure what the statement was, but I frequently heard girls in the hallways oohing over how committed he is to his cause, so I'm sure it's something honorable. Though I'm pretty sure it's just a calculated method to get girls.



The party was in full swing. I could tell Tiffani was a little miffed that I was so late, and that I walked in nearly the same time as Selena, but she quickly forced me to dance.



I have to admit though, something kept drawing my eyes back to Selena and Tanner. Tanner was doing some super dumb dance moves, while Selena tried (yet failed) to redeem them with her more skilled dancing. What inspired her to bring him to the dance anyway, she could've done so much better...





I put my back to Selena and Tanner and tried my best to focus on dancing with Tiffani. Though sometimes I could've sworn Selena was looking my way. I decided it must've been my imagination.





Then I broke my promise to myself and looked over to see Tanner and Selena dancing, their bodies so close together. Tanner was smiling like he thought he was about to get lucky. Something inside me just... snapped. I turned back to Tiffani, looked straight into her eyes, and kissed her.

The disturbing thing was, I wasn't focused on the kiss, or how soft Tiffani's lips were, or any of that sentimental stuff that you're supposed to pay attention to. I just kept hoping Selena was looking, hoping that she saw that I didn't care she was dancing with Tanner, that she could marry him for all I cared and I was perfectly fine with that.



I knew she was looking. I could feel her eyes burning a hole in my back.



I broke off the kiss so abruptly that Tiffani seemed shocked and turned around. I had to know what Selena was thinking. I had to see her face.

But when I turned, I was faced with the sight of Selena and Tanner in a passionate kiss.



I felt nauseous and inexplicably betrayed. It was totally irrational, but I couldn't be there for even another minute.

I ran up the steps, away from the awful beach party, leaving a confused and upset Tiffani yelling for me to come back. I couldn't summon up any regret for hurting her feelings.



I spent the rest of the day moping around in pajamas and telling Mom (the only one who cared to ask) that I was sick. Later that night, I was so plagued by images of Tanner and Selena kissing that I actually did laundry for the first time I can remember. As a devout slob, I hate doing anything that can remotely be considered cleaning, even if the machine does most of it. But I needed something to distract me, badly, or else the image would start replaying again.



I left the laundry room and saw Mom sitting down to eat a late dinner. That's when I knew I needed to talk to her.



I grabbed a plate of food and started shoving it down my throat. In between bites, I started to talk.

Me: I hate it when you're right.



Mom: Yeah?

Me: I like Selena. A lot. And I didn't know it till today.



I looked down at my food, embarrassed that I'd admitted something so personal to her. I mean, I'm a teenage boy. I'm supposed to rebel against my mom and have fights and stuff, not tell her about my love life.

Mom: Curry, if this girl is anywhere near as smart as you make her sound when you're complaining about her, she'll figure it out. And call it a mother's hunch, but I have a feeling she already feels the same way back, and is just as confused and lost as you. Give it a try, and maybe she'll say yes.



Surprisingly, Mom's corny advice actually made me feel better. For a little, at least. I mean, I wouldn't really be myself if I wasn't worrying about something...

When I went to sleep, I had the same dream as before, where me and Selena were kissing. But I skipped the unnecessary process of pretending that it was a stupid dream with no basis in reality. Instead, I wished desperately that someday it would be more than a dream.

Chapter Twelve

The morning after I became a teen, I headed over to the spa to get a job. As in, I got there the actual minute they opened. I desperately wanted to be the receptionist. I'd already sent in my application, but I figured going there personally would guarantee it. I know, kinda dumb that I was so crazy about it, but it was the best-paying part-time job around, and it seemed pretty easy. I needed that money badly to expand my baking business.

But when I got to the spa, I saw HER. The girl that would become the bane of my existence, the girl that I would curse endlessly throughout high school... but I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, aren't I?



Her name's Selena Jolina, and I think it's safe to say that I hated her from the moment I saw her.

Selena: Hey, my name's Selena! I'm so excited, I just got the totally exclusive receptionist job at the spa! They said it was between me and some other guy... but they said I look like a harder worker!

Me: WHAT??



Needless to say, I was not happy. This is my childhood dream, ruined by this awful girl in ten seconds flat. And I was not going to be quiet about it.

Me: WHAT?? HOW COULD YOU?!?!?



Selena: Chill out, dude.

Oh, this was war! No one called me dude without my permission! And she told me to chill? Well, she could chill... in hell that is, where she must be going for destroying my hopes and dreams!



I think I scared her. Good. Because I was already planning revenge.



Me: It was going to be all mine! *sniffle*

Yeah, I was upset. And I only knew one thing: that she-devil would pay for it!



But it only got worse from there. I know, you must be thinking, how could it get any worse? That's what I thought too... until my first day of high school was met with the discovery that the dreaded Selena Jolina was top in every class, class president, and the founder of the school's entrepreneur club which, you guessed it, sold baked goods.

I couldn't even believe it. She had everything I wanted, everything I had expected to be mine based on my elementary school experiences, when I had been the star student.

Naturally, I had a fit at home. Practically every night, actually, when I realized that I wasn't going to be displacing Selena anytime soon.



My whole family noticed, of course. I mean, I was having very public fits of anger in the living room. But only Mom was crazy enough to finally approach me one night about it.

Mom: Curry, I have to say, the whole family's a little sick of hearing about this Selena. And I'm starting to wonder... why do you hate her so much? Are you sure you aren't really a bit attracted to her? It's easy to mix up the feelings when you're young. I mean, she sounds very accomplished, a lovely young woman no doubt. Why don't you ask her on a date?



I thought I heard her wrong at first. Then the words sunk in.

Me: NO, NO, NO, NO!! NOOOOOOOOO!

Then I stormed up to my room and refused to come down to talk to anybody. Yes, it was juvenile, but I didn't want to hear anymore talk about asking out Selena. What a ridiculous idea!



Ambrosia chose to move out that night. She stopped by my room to tell me and insisted that she just wanted to start her own life, but I'm kind of afraid it was because she was sick of listening to me rant...



It must've been Mom's absurd remarks, but that night I had a vivid and VERY disturbing dream about Selena.



I was standing close to Selena, kind of laughing and talking with her. And I seemed... happy?



Then we were kissing! What on earth?! I woke up angry at Mom for putting funky ideas in my head. It was difficult to shake off the satisfied feeling from the dream. Clearly I had to stop talking to Mom for the sake of my mental health.



Then, out of nowhere, a whole new attack on my sanity appeared... and her name was Tiffani Donner.

So she had been talking to me a lot at school. I hadn't thought anything of it. Not until she showed up outside my house one night, that is. I was pretty surprised, since it's not like I'd invited her over or told her where I lived... and because she was gazing at me in an almost predatory manner.



Tiffani: Oh, Curry! You're like so strong!

Me: Uh, that's nice, but what are you doing at my house?

Tiffani: Ha ha, you're so funny!

Then she started laughing, and I stood there extremely confused and wishing she'd get her hand off my chest.



Then, she pulled me close. And I mean really close. That's when I realized she had some kind of mistaken idea that I might want to date her. I knew I had to set her straight. I was at too pivotal of a moment in my academic career to consider dating. I was on the brink of passing Selena in three subjects. And my baking business was building up to challenge Selena's (we had three loyal customers- it was a big step forward for me!). No extra time for clingy, silly girls who wear far too much pink...



Me: Uhh, Tiffani, I'm sorry but I don't want a relationship right now... why don't you ask out Tanner Archer?

Tanner would be perfect for her. He was dumb, annoying, and superficial. An excellent fit!

Tiffani: Awww...



I thought she got it. I truly did. Then:

Tiffani: Do you like want a hug, sweetie poo?



That's when I got angry.

Me: No, I don't want a hug! I don't want anything to do with you! Leave now! And for the record, my name is NOT sweetie poo!!

She left after that, thank goodness, but I was not entirely sure that she understood why I was yelling at her. Or that we weren't a couple.



In the midst of my drama, family life went on. Sometimes I caught Mom and Sage dancing very strangely. They claimed it was how they got their exercise. I despaired for the normalcy of my family.



Now that I was second (soon to be first!!) in my classes, I found Cammie sometimes copying my homework. Naturally, I yelled at her. I worked hard for those grades!



Sage had his birthday and became a young adult.



And of course we celebrated Serenity's birthday right afterward. I knew he couldn't go even a day without kissing her!



The second she aged, he got down on one knee. That brother of mine wastes no time!



Serenity was so happy that she almost teared up with joy. Can you guess what her answer was?



They got married right then and there. No patience, this pair! Mom and Cammie oooh and aaaahed at their love and commitment. I pretended to barf. Sage motioned at me to let me know that I'd be getting it later.





Then Sage promptly moved out. Mom was sad, but at the same time excited at the prospect of grandkids in the near future. I have to admit, I knew I would miss Sage a lot. He was always fun, when he wasn't mooning around over Serenity.

I was a little offended that he was so happy to be leaving us. But he whispered to me that he was really just happy over the prospect of woohoo later that night. Ugh, that was a mental image I didn't need!



I don't know if it was the marriage or finally talking to Grandpa, but Mom seemed to be finished mourning.



She even became a bit of a grief counselor for her friends who experienced family members and spouses passing away.



She even perfected a little invention that took away the pain. She loved to use it on her friends and watch them cheer up.



I continued to focus on school and ignoring both Selena and Tiffani. Then, one day after school, there was a terrible setback to both of those efforts.

I was sitting on the bench outside of school, contemplating the Calculus test I just got back. 98, after ten hours of studying. Could be better but not bad. I just hope Selena didn't get 100...

Then she appeared out of nowhere to ruin my life.



To my disgust, she sat down right next to me. Clearly she had some bragging to do or something.

Selena: How'd you do on the Calculus test? I got 100! Such an easy test, didn't you think? I was expecting more of a challenge, to be honest.

I think my face says it all. How did she get these grades?



Naturally, I was about to shoot back a witty and scathing yet natural comment, when Tiffani showed up. That's when I wondered if someone up in the sky had it out for me, because I was suddenly surrounded by the two girls I hated.



Tiffani: What're you doing with my guy? Like, get away from him, you dork!

Selena stood up, looking very angry. I couldn't really blame her. That was generally my reaction to Tiffani as well.

I'm afraid I could only stand in horror and watch as the absurdity unfolded...



Selena: You're just jealous that I can add in my head! Go away and take some first grade math classes or something, it's not my fault you got a 20 on your Calculus test!

Sadly, there was a more than good chance that Selena's remark was true...

Tiffani: Then get away from my boyfriend! He would never talk to someone ugly like you!

Then, I saw Selena's hand move and SLAP!



I had to laugh at Tiffani's expression.

Tiffani: Omg, you, like, totally bruised my beautiful face. You are so going down, dork!



That's when the legitimate fight began. And when I made my exit.



Though my sources informed me that Selena won. I didn't know what to think about it, except that it would have been such a neat solution if they'd just killed each other in the process, eliminating both my competition and my stalker in one...



It wasn't long before Cammie had a birthday. I was mostly relieved that she wouldn't need to copy my homework anymore.



Almost immediately, she holed up on the phone for hours straight. We had another family bet on what was going on. I thought she had started a secret criminal ring. Sage declared that she owed money to someone and wasn't paying them back. Mom said she had a secret boyfriend.



Guess who won? Typical. Mom always wins the family bets! It eventually came to light one day when they just couldn't help themselves outside the house. I decided Cammie was a hypocrite for being so tough on Sage and Serenity's pda. I suddenly felt that I'd lost an ally in the anti-love cause.



His name was Kenji Zapata. And believe me, he was just as weird as his name. His hair stuck up in a way that simply defied gravity. And he seemed like a spaz from my experiences with him (all based on spying from the upstairs window).

I was skeptical when Cammie announced he was moving in. This house did NOT need more crazies. But Mom was ecstatic, of course (more grandkid potential).



Then, as if my life wasn't complicated enough, I was once again forced into a conversation with Selena after school. She accosted me on the way out. I looked around nervously, desperately hoping that Tiffani wouldn't magically appear to start another fight (unless she planned on actually killing Selena, in which case she had my full support). I didn't need more gossip about girls fighting over me, which was what everyone seemed to think had happened last time.

Selena: So, have you got a date yet for the beach party? I'm going with Tanner.



I don't know what came into me, but I saw a challenge there. Selena might beat me at school, she might have my job, but she would NOT be more successful at getting a date than me. And I HATED Tanner, with his dumb messy hair! All the same, I'm not sure quite why it came out of my mouth...

Me: I DO have a date actually! And she's totally cool!

Selena: Who?

Me: Tiffani Donner!



Yes, it was dumb. Yes, I had just committed myself to spending time with the most annoying girl on the planet (except for the one standing in front of me). And no, I had not asked her to the dance yet. Not that I was particularly afraid she would say no. I just knew that I had to have a date, or Selena would have beat me yet again.

Selena: Ughh, that girl!

Me: Yeah, and we're gonna have a great time, if you know what I mean!

Where was it even coming from, the verbal garbage I was spilling out? I have no clue, except I loved the disgusted expression on Selena's face.



Selena: Well, me and Tanner are pretty excited too. See you there!

Her and Tanner, yuck! The idea of them together set me on edge. Must've been the thought of Tanner, the egotistical jerk!

I set off to break the news to Tiffani, and steeled myself to fend off hugs, kisses, and leaps into my arms. I didn't know what I was getting into, but I was sure that something bad would come of this. And with the way my teenage years had been going so far, that really wasn't a particularly new assumption...