Chapter Twelve

The morning after I became a teen, I headed over to the spa to get a job. As in, I got there the actual minute they opened. I desperately wanted to be the receptionist. I'd already sent in my application, but I figured going there personally would guarantee it. I know, kinda dumb that I was so crazy about it, but it was the best-paying part-time job around, and it seemed pretty easy. I needed that money badly to expand my baking business.

But when I got to the spa, I saw HER. The girl that would become the bane of my existence, the girl that I would curse endlessly throughout high school... but I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, aren't I?



Her name's Selena Jolina, and I think it's safe to say that I hated her from the moment I saw her.

Selena: Hey, my name's Selena! I'm so excited, I just got the totally exclusive receptionist job at the spa! They said it was between me and some other guy... but they said I look like a harder worker!

Me: WHAT??



Needless to say, I was not happy. This is my childhood dream, ruined by this awful girl in ten seconds flat. And I was not going to be quiet about it.

Me: WHAT?? HOW COULD YOU?!?!?



Selena: Chill out, dude.

Oh, this was war! No one called me dude without my permission! And she told me to chill? Well, she could chill... in hell that is, where she must be going for destroying my hopes and dreams!



I think I scared her. Good. Because I was already planning revenge.



Me: It was going to be all mine! *sniffle*

Yeah, I was upset. And I only knew one thing: that she-devil would pay for it!



But it only got worse from there. I know, you must be thinking, how could it get any worse? That's what I thought too... until my first day of high school was met with the discovery that the dreaded Selena Jolina was top in every class, class president, and the founder of the school's entrepreneur club which, you guessed it, sold baked goods.

I couldn't even believe it. She had everything I wanted, everything I had expected to be mine based on my elementary school experiences, when I had been the star student.

Naturally, I had a fit at home. Practically every night, actually, when I realized that I wasn't going to be displacing Selena anytime soon.



My whole family noticed, of course. I mean, I was having very public fits of anger in the living room. But only Mom was crazy enough to finally approach me one night about it.

Mom: Curry, I have to say, the whole family's a little sick of hearing about this Selena. And I'm starting to wonder... why do you hate her so much? Are you sure you aren't really a bit attracted to her? It's easy to mix up the feelings when you're young. I mean, she sounds very accomplished, a lovely young woman no doubt. Why don't you ask her on a date?



I thought I heard her wrong at first. Then the words sunk in.

Me: NO, NO, NO, NO!! NOOOOOOOOO!

Then I stormed up to my room and refused to come down to talk to anybody. Yes, it was juvenile, but I didn't want to hear anymore talk about asking out Selena. What a ridiculous idea!



Ambrosia chose to move out that night. She stopped by my room to tell me and insisted that she just wanted to start her own life, but I'm kind of afraid it was because she was sick of listening to me rant...



It must've been Mom's absurd remarks, but that night I had a vivid and VERY disturbing dream about Selena.



I was standing close to Selena, kind of laughing and talking with her. And I seemed... happy?



Then we were kissing! What on earth?! I woke up angry at Mom for putting funky ideas in my head. It was difficult to shake off the satisfied feeling from the dream. Clearly I had to stop talking to Mom for the sake of my mental health.



Then, out of nowhere, a whole new attack on my sanity appeared... and her name was Tiffani Donner.

So she had been talking to me a lot at school. I hadn't thought anything of it. Not until she showed up outside my house one night, that is. I was pretty surprised, since it's not like I'd invited her over or told her where I lived... and because she was gazing at me in an almost predatory manner.



Tiffani: Oh, Curry! You're like so strong!

Me: Uh, that's nice, but what are you doing at my house?

Tiffani: Ha ha, you're so funny!

Then she started laughing, and I stood there extremely confused and wishing she'd get her hand off my chest.



Then, she pulled me close. And I mean really close. That's when I realized she had some kind of mistaken idea that I might want to date her. I knew I had to set her straight. I was at too pivotal of a moment in my academic career to consider dating. I was on the brink of passing Selena in three subjects. And my baking business was building up to challenge Selena's (we had three loyal customers- it was a big step forward for me!). No extra time for clingy, silly girls who wear far too much pink...



Me: Uhh, Tiffani, I'm sorry but I don't want a relationship right now... why don't you ask out Tanner Archer?

Tanner would be perfect for her. He was dumb, annoying, and superficial. An excellent fit!

Tiffani: Awww...



I thought she got it. I truly did. Then:

Tiffani: Do you like want a hug, sweetie poo?



That's when I got angry.

Me: No, I don't want a hug! I don't want anything to do with you! Leave now! And for the record, my name is NOT sweetie poo!!

She left after that, thank goodness, but I was not entirely sure that she understood why I was yelling at her. Or that we weren't a couple.



In the midst of my drama, family life went on. Sometimes I caught Mom and Sage dancing very strangely. They claimed it was how they got their exercise. I despaired for the normalcy of my family.



Now that I was second (soon to be first!!) in my classes, I found Cammie sometimes copying my homework. Naturally, I yelled at her. I worked hard for those grades!



Sage had his birthday and became a young adult.



And of course we celebrated Serenity's birthday right afterward. I knew he couldn't go even a day without kissing her!



The second she aged, he got down on one knee. That brother of mine wastes no time!



Serenity was so happy that she almost teared up with joy. Can you guess what her answer was?



They got married right then and there. No patience, this pair! Mom and Cammie oooh and aaaahed at their love and commitment. I pretended to barf. Sage motioned at me to let me know that I'd be getting it later.





Then Sage promptly moved out. Mom was sad, but at the same time excited at the prospect of grandkids in the near future. I have to admit, I knew I would miss Sage a lot. He was always fun, when he wasn't mooning around over Serenity.

I was a little offended that he was so happy to be leaving us. But he whispered to me that he was really just happy over the prospect of woohoo later that night. Ugh, that was a mental image I didn't need!



I don't know if it was the marriage or finally talking to Grandpa, but Mom seemed to be finished mourning.



She even became a bit of a grief counselor for her friends who experienced family members and spouses passing away.



She even perfected a little invention that took away the pain. She loved to use it on her friends and watch them cheer up.



I continued to focus on school and ignoring both Selena and Tiffani. Then, one day after school, there was a terrible setback to both of those efforts.

I was sitting on the bench outside of school, contemplating the Calculus test I just got back. 98, after ten hours of studying. Could be better but not bad. I just hope Selena didn't get 100...

Then she appeared out of nowhere to ruin my life.



To my disgust, she sat down right next to me. Clearly she had some bragging to do or something.

Selena: How'd you do on the Calculus test? I got 100! Such an easy test, didn't you think? I was expecting more of a challenge, to be honest.

I think my face says it all. How did she get these grades?



Naturally, I was about to shoot back a witty and scathing yet natural comment, when Tiffani showed up. That's when I wondered if someone up in the sky had it out for me, because I was suddenly surrounded by the two girls I hated.



Tiffani: What're you doing with my guy? Like, get away from him, you dork!

Selena stood up, looking very angry. I couldn't really blame her. That was generally my reaction to Tiffani as well.

I'm afraid I could only stand in horror and watch as the absurdity unfolded...



Selena: You're just jealous that I can add in my head! Go away and take some first grade math classes or something, it's not my fault you got a 20 on your Calculus test!

Sadly, there was a more than good chance that Selena's remark was true...

Tiffani: Then get away from my boyfriend! He would never talk to someone ugly like you!

Then, I saw Selena's hand move and SLAP!



I had to laugh at Tiffani's expression.

Tiffani: Omg, you, like, totally bruised my beautiful face. You are so going down, dork!



That's when the legitimate fight began. And when I made my exit.



Though my sources informed me that Selena won. I didn't know what to think about it, except that it would have been such a neat solution if they'd just killed each other in the process, eliminating both my competition and my stalker in one...



It wasn't long before Cammie had a birthday. I was mostly relieved that she wouldn't need to copy my homework anymore.



Almost immediately, she holed up on the phone for hours straight. We had another family bet on what was going on. I thought she had started a secret criminal ring. Sage declared that she owed money to someone and wasn't paying them back. Mom said she had a secret boyfriend.



Guess who won? Typical. Mom always wins the family bets! It eventually came to light one day when they just couldn't help themselves outside the house. I decided Cammie was a hypocrite for being so tough on Sage and Serenity's pda. I suddenly felt that I'd lost an ally in the anti-love cause.



His name was Kenji Zapata. And believe me, he was just as weird as his name. His hair stuck up in a way that simply defied gravity. And he seemed like a spaz from my experiences with him (all based on spying from the upstairs window).

I was skeptical when Cammie announced he was moving in. This house did NOT need more crazies. But Mom was ecstatic, of course (more grandkid potential).



Then, as if my life wasn't complicated enough, I was once again forced into a conversation with Selena after school. She accosted me on the way out. I looked around nervously, desperately hoping that Tiffani wouldn't magically appear to start another fight (unless she planned on actually killing Selena, in which case she had my full support). I didn't need more gossip about girls fighting over me, which was what everyone seemed to think had happened last time.

Selena: So, have you got a date yet for the beach party? I'm going with Tanner.



I don't know what came into me, but I saw a challenge there. Selena might beat me at school, she might have my job, but she would NOT be more successful at getting a date than me. And I HATED Tanner, with his dumb messy hair! All the same, I'm not sure quite why it came out of my mouth...

Me: I DO have a date actually! And she's totally cool!

Selena: Who?

Me: Tiffani Donner!



Yes, it was dumb. Yes, I had just committed myself to spending time with the most annoying girl on the planet (except for the one standing in front of me). And no, I had not asked her to the dance yet. Not that I was particularly afraid she would say no. I just knew that I had to have a date, or Selena would have beat me yet again.

Selena: Ughh, that girl!

Me: Yeah, and we're gonna have a great time, if you know what I mean!

Where was it even coming from, the verbal garbage I was spilling out? I have no clue, except I loved the disgusted expression on Selena's face.



Selena: Well, me and Tanner are pretty excited too. See you there!

Her and Tanner, yuck! The idea of them together set me on edge. Must've been the thought of Tanner, the egotistical jerk!

I set off to break the news to Tiffani, and steeled myself to fend off hugs, kisses, and leaps into my arms. I didn't know what I was getting into, but I was sure that something bad would come of this. And with the way my teenage years had been going so far, that really wasn't a particularly new assumption...